Beannachtai na feile Padraig!

Originally published at Searching for the Young Soul Rebel. You can comment here or there.

Yes, I'm no longer a practising Catholic (not like I was ever a very good one to begin with, but that's besides the point), yes, my family is from Belfast (which is Ulster, politically Northern Ireland, meaning my family is technically British), and I'm a Loyalist as far as the Ireland/UK BS is concerned (though this is mainly to spite my late father's soul, cos I'm petty that way), but let's instead look at the fact that St. Padraig, at the very least, brought the Irish out of being a bunch of iliterates. It simply cannot be denied that the Keltoi are one of the few ancient tribes originating in Europe that did not develop their own written language. Nothing against oral traditions, I suppose, but in all honesty, as much as I hate the character of Delenn in Babylon 5, she was right about some things — specifically in saying "what is built, endures". Wars can be forgotten. Prayers can lose meaning. But that which is made physical and can be seen is remembered for generations after the intangible is lost.

That said, here's an amusing St. Paddy's Day story from my childhood:

I went to a catholic school, but we didn't do anything for special for St. Patrick's Day (well, aside from the occasional themed crafty shit or sometimes somebody's mum would send cookies) because the girls' uniforms were already green and the boys were encouraged to wear a bright green tie or a pale green shirt with theirs. One year, I think it was my fourth and she was a layteacher, the teacher said that if the class really wanted to wear something special, fourth through eight grade girls were allowed to wear more-ornate hair ornaments (it was considered "too distracting" for younger grades) and she'd allow boys to wear sequinned or novelty ties or even green "leprechaun derby hats". She also said that she'd allow kids to use temporary red or auburn hair-colour. Then she pointed to me and said to the class:

"Of course, if you've already got bright auburn hair and your name is Ruadhan McElroy, you have my total permission to come to school tomorrow in anything you want."

"That's not fair!" said a chorus of classmates.

"Well, I didn't name you or pick your genetics, did I?" she asks me.

"No, Mrs. Terry."

Fast-forward to Seventh year, I'm living in Adrian, Michigan, and attending a public junior high, where we can wear anything we want to school, few exceptions, no matter what time of the year it is. I'm in Phys Ed class, and as we're lined up to go to the locker rooms before the teacher gets there, a large group of other kids decides to back me in a corner. The little shits started pinching me cos I'm not wearing green. I tell them this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of and try to get away, but they then back me in harder and start pinching me, especially any exposed skin, harder than ever. I think some of them even managed to leave bruises. I start shouting for help and, of course, the rest of the kids start looking on, some even start cheering, and then the PE teacher rushes in, pulls some kids off me and demands to know what the hell's going on.

"Well, they're not wearing green!" a couple laugh, looking very proud of themselves.

The PE teacher then shouts "Wait, hold ON! You're acting like this cos RUADHAN MCELROY, the redhead with the most-Irish name in the whole school, isn't wearing green on St. Patrick's Day? Are you really that stupid? Next time you want to gang up on some kid for laughs, think of something better than this," and then she sent them to the principal's office and offered to let me out of PE for the day.

BONUS STORY:
At a Halloween party, a now-ex-boyfriend once said of me to another guest "[Ruadhan's] like an Irish coffee: Very strong, very sweet — but about one third of the contents are whiskey, so I wouldn't take anything he says all that seriously."

I respond with, "Well, you're like corned beef and cabbage: You might think you're Gael at heart, but the meat's still all Yid."

A mutual friend, the only person there who got my joke, then responded, asking my then-boyfriend, "Wait, you're circumcised? I thought Ro didn't date circ'd guys."

Cos I have to somehow make everything about penis.